Yeah!

I really can't picture anyone having a crush on me. I can’t picture someone thinking about me before they fall asleep, or telling their friends about me. I can’t picture anyone getting butterflies because I said hi to them, or even just smiled at them. I can’t picture someone smiling at the computer screen or their cell phones when we’re talking. I mean like…Why would they even do that? I’m just me. Nothing extraordinary, or special.

I think I'm numb..

People may see me as a jolly person. I used to laugh and joke around with them. I am the one who listens to their problems, comfort them when they needed it. But me I used to keep my problems by myself cos I don't want to be a burden to them. They do not know that I'm also fighting a battle. You know deep in you, you have problems of your own that you need to face but you have to be tough and look as if nothing happened to be able to give strength to people around you. That's the story of my life!

When I'm having conversation with God, I always say that I'm grateful and blessed that He trust me a lot that He gave me struggles to become a much better and stronger individual. Through them, it drives me closer to Him.

God, you know how I feel at this moment. It's hard to cry at night wishing and praying that everything will be alright. I love my Dad. I love my Mom. It hurts to see them struggling and I'm afraid to see them going apart. I know how much my Mom fought to save their marriage. But I think my Dad doesn't appreciate and see all our efforts. But I believe everything happens for a reason.

This kind of problem doesn't happen only in our family. I know many couples are encountering also this kind of dilemma. I entrust everything to you God. I know your plans are greater than ours. Better days will come soon! :)

Nobody knows it but me!

Nobody knows how many times I've faked a smile, how many times I've cried, how many times I've been hurt. Nobody knows how many times I've had to hold back my tears, how many times I've been let down, how many times I've been walked out on. Nobody knows how many times I've felt like falling apart but I keep it together for those around me, how many times I've been kicked when I was down, how many times I scream. Nobody knows how many times I've forgotten how it feels to be happy, or how long I've been waiting for things to get better. Sometimes I wonder who knows the difference between how I pretend I feel and how I truly feel.